A Formula For No Regrets.
A shocking percentage of elderly people on their deathbed regret not what they did, but what they didn’t do.
How often do we think about what our biggest regret would be if this was the last day of our life?
I'm guessing not much.
Bronnie Ware spent several years as a Palliative Nurse, recording answers from dying patients. The number one answer was:
“I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
Expectations. Here comes that big word again.
The challenge is that we often want our kids to live the life we dreamed for them, or want them to have the opportunities we never had, or want them to be happy in ways we think they will be.
The challenge is how do we set free of expectations and let kids run the show.
A bamboo shoot that starts as a seed takes up to 5 years, much care, and daily watering to germinate. After it does break the ground, it takes 5 weeks to grow up to 90 feet tall.
When kids are young, we plant many seeds that we won’t see germinate in them, and that won’t probably sprout until years later.
Giving kids opportunities to be themselves early on, will plant the seeds of self-expression and self-love. They will love being themselves and have the courage to take risks to build the life they want for themselves.
What is the winning formula?
Having opportunities for self-expression, be willing to take risks, and doing what is right in their hearts.
Kids will be able to run their own show, hopefully having no regrets at the end of their lifetime. At least not for the things they didn’t do! ;)
How do I guide my kids through this formula?
Offer opportunities to choose. They may decide on their clothing, food, or playtime toy. Allowing kids to express themselves through their selections will make them feel comfortable, unique, and seen.
Fashion designer Marc Jacobs once said, “To me, clothing is a form of self-expression – there are hints about who you are in what you wear.”
My five-year-old tends to choose every single color and pattern she can find when choosing clothes. Tutti frutti shirt, polkadot pants, and fuschia shoes. Our agreement is that she can choose what to wear every day, but on special occasions, I will let her choose but guide her just in case the selection is not appropriate attire.
Guide them through Risk Taking.
I recently learned about the term “Risky Play,” where educators in Adamstown CommunityEarly Learning and Preschool, encourage kids to experience challenging environments. They conducted research and identified six categories of “Risky Play”.
Let’s do a quick check to see what each one is about and if I am engaging my kids in it or not.
✔️ Play at great heights: my kids use the climbing wall in the park and climb trees in the backyard. Check.
✔️ Play at high speed. My five-year-old is just learning how to ride a bicycle with no training wheels and my six-year-old is using it to go down our steeped road.
✔️ Play with harmful tools. I allow my kids to get a table knife to cut their own apples. (I supervise of course!)
✔️ Play with dangerous elements. If getting in the ocean when the tides are changing counts towards this, then yes. I can probably start talking about fire and its safety measures before I allow them to explore this through play.
✔️ Rough and tumble play. This happens accidentally when using the trampoline, or when my daughters play with their cousins who love sumo wrestling. Most of the time, they end up being hit or crying.
✔️ Play where you can “disappear.” Building fortresses using furniture and blankets is their favorite type of play nowadays. Check!
Encourage them to do what is right in their heart.
“You must never doubt your ability to achieve anything, become anything, overcome anything and inspire everything.”
― Tasha Hoggatt
Encouraging kids to follow their hearts, allows them to follow the path that is natural for them. They learn to hear that voice that we have inside of ourselves, that guides us to fulfill our life’s unique purpose.
I encourage my kids to follow their hearts through questions such as:
Do you feel this decision is right? Why or why not?
How do you feel after having made that choice?
Do you want to pause a moment, to figure out what feels right?
