The Best Advice “Do What You Can’t”
Play it safe, follow the rules, keep your head down, wait your turn, ask permission, and learn to compromise. We teach all this to kids, in schools, at home, everywhere. We continually feed the “you can’t” message, willingly or unwillingly.
But have we ever stopped to think how much this advice hits the brakes on our kid's potential?
I first experienced this dilemma in high school when my counselor told me not to apply to TUFTS University because I wouldn’t get in. I was told “I can’t,” but I applied anyway and got in. Fifteen years later I am writing my newsletter using my experiences and knowledge.
Thirteen years ago I started baking at home. First, it was a hobby that then turned into a business. Others told me “you can’t open a bakery with no experience in baking”. After ten years of running the business, I successfully sold it.
However, the most hurtful messages are the ones we tell ourselves.
I was telling myself “You can’t be a writer, you were never good at writing in school and you make grammar mistakes all the time”. But I did. What pulled me through was grit: my passion for education and my perseverance to learn. But what was key, was the confidence in myself to “do what I can’t”.
A new generation of content creators is thriving in the world.
The gamers, the influencers, the bloggers, or the internet-famous do things that “they can’t do.”
For example, you can’t have a talk show. Right? Wrong! You have a webcam, access to the internet, and lots of ideas to share. Ding! A new Youtube channel right there!
In Casey’s words, you just need a phone ($500 approx), internet access ($25 /month), and a creative idea. So with as little as $525, you can build your next business!
But there’s a piece missing.
Confidence.
You may have all the great ideas in the world, and the money to pay for the phone and internet. But no confidence means no steps to create and publish. Which leaves you where you are.
How do we build confidence in our kids to build & create to thrive in this creator world?
Ban Harsh Criticism: Kids easily translate the messages they hear from others into their internal language.
Instead of “Oh, how lazy” try “are you feeling tired? Let’s give this one more try.”
Praise the effort: Avoid giving praise on results (getting a good grade) or on fixed qualities (you are so smart!).
Instead, offer most of your praise for effort, progress, and attitude. For example “Wow, I can see you worked really hard to achieve that!”
Focus on Strengths: Be attentive to what your child is good at and make sure they have chances to develop these.
Focus more on strengths rather than weaknesses.
Let kids help and give: Kids’ self-esteem grows when they feel that what they do matters to others.
